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Relational Communication 301

Updated: Sep 5, 2021

Getting a handle on our own tendencies can be very helpful. But how do we go about actually changing what goes on BETWEEN us?

So you've been working with your own energy for a bit, breathing yourself down from annoyance or up from disengagement/withdrawal into a 'same as' place. Amazing! This is not an easy thing to do, and really a life-time relationship sustaining practice.

So now what...How can we disrupt the assumption train before it even leaves the station?

Imagine for a moment, that each of us walks around wearing an extra-large pair of glasses. And on those glasses is written every single belief about ourselves we’ve come to hold as true. Using the example of my getting irritated when my partner leaves dishes on the counter, let's say I was brought up in a household where having everything spotlessly clean was really important. It's possible that I may’ve even received a strong reprimand or was told I was lazy for not putting things away. Written on my glasses may be story lines such as "people who aren't neat and tidy are lazy", "others will like me better if my space is well put together", or even more insidious, "I'm only worth something as a person if I’m tidy and organized".

Combine having those belief glasses snugly in place with information collected from all my other senses in that moment (what does the rest of the room smell like, look like, what sounds do I hear, how am I feeling in my body that day, etc.), and we have a really murky context soup that may or may not shore up the storyline I'm already running in my head. Oof.

The thing is, reality is…subjective!!

Every one has their own beliefs, values, story lines. And those narratives colour the way we see and experience the world the world through our own particular glasses. So sometimes a helpful place to start is simply to NOTICE our own stories with non-judgement and curiosity. Hmmmm….what am I telling myself here? What story am I making up about what’s going on in front of me? What feelings are coming up as I'm playing (or often re-playing!) this particular story line. And then, the most important part…

Own your interpretations as yours, and check that story out!!

Check out my next blog post for a quick way to move out of assumption and into conversation!!

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